well, I didn't do what I planned to do.

I planned on focusing some thought on a story for a video game that would have been made. But I cannot seem to think of anything relevant for the story. Like, how should it begin? I want to use popular music in it and would like the game to be made available absolutely free. I'm thinking it would be mainly single player because of the story I want to tell. I want everything to be free. I don't want any more copyright infringement cases going on. We will no longer put a price on things. Everything in the world would be freely given and made available to all. Work will be done because we like to work and not because we need a paycheck. I think it would take a load off once everybody can work freely and give freely without having to worry about what it would cost to do such and such a thing. I think the future is free. We will devote resources wherever it is needed. Why can't we live in such a world as this? I think slowly but surely we're heading in that direction. Cause things are only getting better and cheaper as I see it. Soon we will be giving away things because there will be no cost whatsoever to produce the product. I want to work for free to make that change self-evident. It's really all there already, it just needs some courage and faith to achieve it to full effect. If I am God, I feel very reluctant to do what my faith in me inspires me to do. I don't act up in church because my parents don't want me to do so. So I guess I'll monitor my feelings and take note at how I feel at any given moment and pray. Pray that there is someone out there who believes in me and wants me to be full of life and spirit. Why don't my parents want me to act up in church? Is it disturbing the peace? It's causing a scene, but isn't that what Jesus did? I feel so led by the spirit to proclaim from my mouth the sweetness of his glory. But I tremble. My heart races, but I tremble. So what should I do? Be good. What is good? Don't cause a scene, ok, I won't. But what should I do about these feelings I feel about wanting to speak out and do something different than what everybody else is doing? I want to be different and break the mold. I want to wake the people up to God's glory already present in their lives and the world. I want to wake them up! Arise from your slumber! All are holy.

Maybe a good idea for the game is that the main character lives in his own self doubts and sins and tries to become a whole person through prayer and faith in God. Anything not of faith is sin. So how does this character have more faith? By believing more in himself and or herself than what other people believe them to be. It's having the courage to trust yourself more than you trust your neighbor. I the Lord, AM your God. How can you really love yourself? How do you really love yourself? Do I love myself? I think I do, but I hope that I will lose my life for the sake of Jesus than try to save it for other reasons. Yeah, the bible confuses me. You must deny yourself. Deny myself like not want to accumulate worldly riches? Probably. But what else? Well, my character really sucks so far. All I have so far is a person who lives in fear and refuses to see the light of his own actions. What else is this character suffering from? Self denial? What is self denial? Is denying yourself good because that's what the bible says? But this person who denies himself suffers from schizophrenia. He is me. He doesn't hear voices, but doesn't live like everybody else. He doesn't work or have a job, he stays at home a lot and plays on the computer. He doesn't go to school, but is still trying to do God's will by avoiding temptation and sin wherever it presents itself. He wonders to himself why he is even tempted in the first place. Hasn't Jesus conquered the world and everything in it? He tries to have more faith in God or Jesus or Satan, but more God and Jesus than Satan only because he believes they hold the key in unlocking the mysteries of life. So he tries to read the bible and meditate on its teachings. He seems to understand what he's reading that makes sense to him, but is he really misinterpreting it? I think something can be interpreted in more ways than one, what gives the interpretation power is if more and more people interpret it the same way that you interpret it. That's how churches are formed. If someone is healing someone in the name of Jesus Christ, do not stop them, those who are with you are not against you. I guess what we are waiting for is the unity of all the churches under one Lord Jesus. So we are here to bring everybody back together under one man, one God. We are creations of God and because we come from God, we are holy because God is holy. What we understand as sin is only our own conscience telling us what is clean or unclean. Nothing is unclean in and of itself, but unclean to the one who believes it to be unclean. So why can't I be the new Jesus?

I'm really fearing that I will not be able to complete this journal entry before time runs out at midnight. I fear my brain farts might cause people to believe that I am crazy. But why should I care what the unknown audience thinks? I guess I fear they might put me in a mental hospital. Because I spoke whatever came to mind before and it was understood as "sick." So am I sick? I'm taking mediations. 20mg of lexapro in the morning. 10mg of zyprexa and 6mg of respiridone at night. And before I was so focused on making everybody believe that I am Jesus. But I haven't bugged my mom about it for a couple of days now. Do I still think I am the new Jesus? I wish. But me thinking about it constantly doesn't seem to make that fantasy of mine come true. So what will make that fantasy of wanting to be the new Jesus a reality? I have to constantly think about it, though, I need to follow it up with action. And what action should I follow me wanting to be the new Jesus? Just start screaming it around my neighborhood waking up neighbors and seeing if they'll call the cops on me to shut me up. I really don't know how to go about my thoughts of wanting to be the new Jesus. So I guess I'll go back to school and study something that isn't so high up pie in the sky imaginings. It is a high aspiration to desire to be the new Jesus. But is that what God wants me to do? Does God want me to be him? Or is it only me who wants me to be God? I feel so filled with fear whenever I think about it that I become very desperate. I want it so bad to be God that I think about killing myself to achieve that goal. But I know that I won't do that. It's only when I become desperate do I think about killing and death. If I kill myself I would just be some guy who ended his life. I wouldn't be considered God or Jesus, or I would be dead. How do I become the Lord? Does anybody know how to do this? God only knows how to become God. You think? Who else but God knows how to be God? Can someone who isn't God know how to be God? Or is it only God's self who really knows how to be God and change the world in any way he sees fit. But he does so for the world's own good. But I believe we are all holy people, what we do is for God and his holiness. Everything that is in existence now is because God has blessed and sanctified it as holy and true. Nothing came to existence without him. Everything exists because of him. So we're waiting. This long wait for the Lord. How do I become the Lord? I must at least study something that I am already good at, computers mostly, then see if I can think of something else to make the world even better than it already is.

Yeah, I'm really fearing my ability to make this post before time is running out. Right now I only have 15 minutes to complete two more long paragraphs. I don't know what I will do if I am unable to post this before time runs out. I'll just type the first thing that comes to mind and see where that leads me. Sex, dog sex, fucking, sucking, yucking, puking, masturbating, fucking, ass fucking, dick fucking, pussy fucking. Ass fucking, dick fucking, butt fucking, dick licking, pussy pushing, ass ramming, dick licking, fucking sucking yucking, sucking, lucking, ducking, cockerstroogle, bone marrow. Bone marrow? Where in the hell did that come from? I'm thinking about masturbating but I'm afraid of doing it because I think I would have let myself and the world down if I give into the temptation of whacking off yet again. It's a sin to me to masturbate or whack off because it says in the bible that if you look lustfully at a woman you have already committed adultery with her in your heart. And I don't know if women look lustfully at a man, it doesn't say anything as that being a sin. I guess women reflect who their husbands really are. I think women become the mother's of their husbands. It's like the whole oedipus complex, a man likes to fuck his mom and his wife becomes his mom. Weird huh? I don't think I understood that correctly, but who gives a fuck, you know? I hope you aren't reading this to your kid dawdawdo, at least not all the brain farts that I have just emitted about fucking and sucking and lucking and ducking, and mucking, and shulunking. I can't seem to think straight about anything. My mind seems like a mess of shit. A big pile of stinking shit is my mind right now. Like an echoing shit pile repeating itself for all eternity for the same of existing an existence that isn't worth noting. I'm just fucking being a fucking idiot for no good reason at all. Come on, come on, fill this shit space with words that don't make an ounce of sense. Fill it with the shit pile you call a brain that is transmitted on the internet through your endlessly typing fingers. I wish I had video logs. I got this webcam that works on windows xp, but I think there is a hack to get it to work in vista. But if it works in vista it should also work in windows 7 which is the current operating system I am using now. Goodie, goodie, gummy drops, next paragraph.

So almost there. 8 more minutes until time runs out which means I only have 7 minutes to actually finish typing the nonsense of my mind. I really want to start my next journal entry right after this with something meaningful and not so confusing as the shit that is pouring out of me now is. I just want to talk like a flowing chain of shit that doesn't smell. Don't people like shit that doesn't smell? I don't like shit. I'm like that bully in back to the future, I forgot his name, but he doesn't like shit. So here I am letting out a shit storm of shit for the sake of filling up space and making it done and completed with before the deadline of midnight. So what else can I talk about? More shit of shit coming out of this shit hole of shit fucking fucked shit fuck. Ok, let's talk about sex fucking sex, ass sex, butt sex, fucking sex, sucking dog fucking sucking ass shit fucking shit ass shit fucking god damn shit fuck ass shit fuck dick licking cock sucking shit ass cock fucking dick licking shit sucking mother licking fucking sucking breast twitching. God damn it, I can't express what I'm really thinking. Oh shit only 4 more minutes left! Got to think of something to say. Anything, please give me anything to say. I really do hope I start my next journal entry immediately after I post this journal entry and think about something more important to say than what it is I'm saying now. God damn time is moving fast now cause I'm running out of it. Gotta cross my t's and dot my i's. So what else is there to talk about? Nothing! Absolutely fucking nothing God damnit, I hate not talking about anything. There has to be something to talk about. Come one, give me something to talk about before time fucking runs out on me. Shit time is running out and I still am filled with this shit storm of nothing coming out of the ass of God. The ass of god. Mary did you know, that you're daddy dick would walk on water? When you've kissed your little baby, you've kissed the ass of God! lol. Kiss the ass of God. That's funny. I wonder if anybody has actually kissed the ass of God? Literally, really. Well, looks like I made it. I just need to start my next journal entry with something more insightful and profound than what I have typed here as the last parts of my journal entry. SO FUCKING START YOUR NEXT JOURNAL ENTRY NOW STEVEN, YOU COCK FUCKING SUCKING LUCKING DUCKING SHIT FUCKED UP FACE MASTURBATOR SINEER! NO masturbate! I avoid masturbate. Help me to continue to avoid sin Lord, thank you!

по заказам радиочитателей
Плохой Санта - 1.12 Гб

перевод Гоблина, так что если что - присутствует много лексики

I must not give up. I must pray.

I don't know why I feel the way I do about going back to school for a two year course degree. Maybe I'm afraid of growing up and becoming an adult. Yeah, that must be it. If and when I do finish, I would have become a man, I think. My parents tell me that no one can take away your education, unless ofcourse you get amnesia. Haha, but I will be studying something which I have a good amount of interest in and which I am pretty proficient with, computers. I pray that it is the Lord's will for me to finish and earn a degree. Please let it be your will Lord for me to complete and earn this degree. I must remember what my good friend dawdawdo told me in the past, focus. I must focus. Please Lord, help me focus. I don't know if I will study more courses once I complete the first two years. Why can't I sit down and focus on studying? I can do this, I have the time to devote my energy to studying. I must have the will also. How? If I can pray about the bible and ask God to help me understand, why can't I pray to God to give me the will and ability to succeed in earning this two year degree. Help me focus Lord. I only want to do what you want me to do. I know at times I feel lazy, but I like to rest to ease my troubled mind. I think a lot, but most of the time I'm not really sure what I'm thinking about. I'm always in deep thought with my serious looking face. And when I do smile, it's like I have this silly grin which looks like I'm hiding something. From a dream I had awhile back, the thing which I kept hidden from the world in order to save my life, was the communion host or body of Christ. I had to show it to the woman in which she became fanatically frightened and scared with my revealing it to her. But the problem with sleeping too much is that one can easily forget all that one has kept fresh in one's mind. Sleeping is like rebooting a computer. You lose all the present memory or ram stored in your head. Yes, you still have data saved on your hard drive or long term memory, but the active memory or ram in your head gets erased. The thoughts or ideas that are fresh in your mind get lost. It's weird how I think, my mind is like a big blob.

A big blob that is without any distinct shape or form. And I use words to describe that blob and my emotions but though I try, there is a lot of stuff that goes unexpressed. Maybe there seems like a lot, maybe there doesn't. But these words are the only evidence that show what I'm thinking. Without these words, I myself might be thinking, but you wouldn't know it, only me. Something that is self evident to me is not necessarily self evident to you. I have to communicate it to you. But I wonder if there will be such thing as telepathy in the future. All we have to do is think, and you will know what we are thinking without ever having to use our voice. But we think a lot of things, and our minds are like untamed lions, how do we send only the thoughts we want to send for someone else to know? Because we can think of anything, these mere-beliefs are thoughts that can happen at any given moment with no reason at all except from our physical senses. It's like the mind body connection. How much am I influenced by my mind, how much is my mind influenced by my body? My body includes sensing or feeling fromt he 5 senses. My emotions come from my mind and intuition. It's weird. Emotions are not directly related or come from what I can smell, taste, touch, see, or hear. Shall I say that emotions are the primordial soup where all experience comes from? I'm just trying to impress you with words when I say "primordial soup." All I know is that I am aware of a pain in my head. I am in normal condition as far as my body is concerned, but I am aware of a pain inside of my head. I want to say that my soul feels this pain, but I can't prove to you of the soul's existence. I also want to say to you that my heart hurts. But I'm speaking metaphorically. I'm not talking about my heart as in the muscle that is responsible for distributing blood throughout my whole body. I don't know why I feel like I'm hurting, but I think that I am. I kind of wish I knew why I felt this pain. How do I find meaning in my suffering? Victor Frankel, "Man's search for meaning." Am I in pain?

If we want to get things for free, we need to give things for free. It's been awhile since I've dreamed about my auntie myrna. I wonder where exactly she is. I can think about her, but her physical body is very vague to me. I can look at her at past pictures and brings back memories, but when I think about my auntie, she has no more real shape or form to me. So where exactly are you auntie? In my mind? I remember you, but I fear that it is not the same memory I had when you still existed in your body. So where exactly is your spirit? They say that that the natural comes first, then the spiritual, but where is your spiritual body? Do we all have unique spirits, the same as we do have unique physical bodies? Or are all our spirits the same? When I am awake, I can think and imagine things, it's only when I focus my thought on a particular thing do I come up with understanding that makes the mind pleased with itself. I think I have a very untrained mind. I think school is set up there to train and exercise the mind giving it a purpose and direction necessary to better the world and the mind. I feel like delaying the effort needed to go ahead and enroll in classes. Tomorrow is a sunday and my cousin will be an alter server during mass. I think it's really cool that she's going to be doing that. I can say that I know one of the alter servers! So please Lord, let it be your will that I at least finish this two year degree course at the community college. I watched Avatar by James Cameron today. I like the special effects and all, and got great satisfaction by seeing the humans die, but I wish there were other ways of making a movie instead of seeing the "bad guy" die. As a catholic, we see Jesus die, but he isn't the bad guy. I think future movies should show how a good guy can die and still win. But I wonder to myself, what is eternal life? (John 17:3) I wish there was a good way of making a current movie that expresses important bible teachings. How can we make a really good movie that incorporates Jesus' teaching while making it appealing to people of all ages? All the current bible teaching movies seem to just make the same Jesus' birth and life to death and resurrection the same way. But honestly, I don't believe that he resurrected from the dead. Like, his dead body actually came back to life? I sort of fear that I will not believe completely in the Lord until I become accepted as the Lord by the world proclaiming his glorious return to the world. But I must behave like I am the Lord.

I only want to be the Lord because nobody else seems to be stepping up to the plate. if Jesus was blessed and accepted by the church I believe I would follow him and his teaching. I would accept him and or her, whoever this person was and would believe. Maybe that's what makes me such a good candidate to be Jesus. Once we are baptized as catholic we have the potential to God and or Jesus or Satan. I believe Satan to be the same as God or Jesus mainly because we think of them as powerful beings. Sometimes we even think that Satan and defeat God so that makes Satan more powerful than God and or Jesus. So then Satan becomes our God and not Jesus. But to make things simpler, I'll just say that I want to be Jesus. But a friend once told me that me thinking that I'm Jesus, is like me thinking I'm the easter bunny. It's interesting how he compared the two as being the same. But I don't know. I guess I am really confused. Can I ever stop being who I am? My mother named me, does that necessarily me that I cannot be the Lord because I inherited my last name from my parents who's last name was inherited by their parents and so on? Well, my dad felt glad that I was thinking about returning to school. He thought that it was a very good idea and said that he will support me all the way. If I wanted to go to medical school he said he couldn't support me, but for at least two years at the community college, he can. I mainly want to learn more about computers because I have the pratical knowledge, but not the theoretical. This will help me understand more about what exactly is going on in a computer and also about network security. I guess it is somewhat interesting to me. I will learn about unix systems and cisco systems and how to secure them. So I hope I will stay focused until I get a degree and be glad of my accomplishment. I hope that I don't work. But I kind of want to work a little so that I can earn some money. The money I will earn I will most likely invest. I'm thinking about saving enough money to start an organization that provides it's services for free. I want to recruit people that want to work for free and give them housing, food, and all the necessities of life and then some and in return I ask that they work for free for their neighbor. I will take care of you and ask that you work without pay.

So that is my goal. I don't want to buy anything for myself anymore. I know that I want a faster video card, but then after that they will release a new and faster video card then I'll want that. It's like my super nintendo, they keep making newer, faster, better and more advanced systems and I'm wondering when they will make a system or computer that will have no need to be upgraded anymore. Once we are able to mimic virtual reality with real reality, then I think we would have reached the point where we will no longer need to buy faster computers. I wonder how many more years it will take before that happens. I think 100 Lord years is too long. I wonder if by then the Lord's return would have been accepted. It's been more than 2000 years of the Lord and still no cigar. How much longer should we wait? The world groans for new things. Things are coming soon. I think I will stay up a bit longer tonight and start my next journal entry. I keep delaying entering in my journal that I tend to cut things really close before the next day at midnight and I tend not to be able to type about something really meaningful. Basically the quality of my journal is much less than it can be if I take more time typing about things that really concern me. Because right now I'm having some trouble talking about something meaningful to me. I'm too concerned about just filling up space. I can't think about anything else but what I can type about fill up space. I have to talk about the obvious simply for the sake of typing up stuff here and now for you to read. I like typing a lot because it gives me a chance at expressing myself in at least some way however little. I don't really say much in person, I'm mostly introspective. So I'm almost done here. I'll try to think of other stuff to really talk about in my next journal entry. I want to focus on some background story about making a video game about Jesus as the everlasting rock whose kingdom is forever and how we are all the holy ones who live in the current present day age. I have these memories of when I was younger that have inspired and influenced me into the sort of person I am today. Another spark of light occured at the lower middle left hand corner of my eye. I like to think of these sparks as future living human creations. Was I once a spirit before entering into this body? Or was I a physical body first, then a spiritual body? Did I have an individual idenity before my mother gave birth to me? I wonder. Ok, this is long enough. See you.

вот этот фильм я очень люблю, клевый) причем каждый раз нахожу в нем что-то новое.
Грязь и мудрость - 1.37 Гб

ну раз пост написала - то, наверное, побег из шоушенка почти все смотрели, но пусть тоже будет.
Побег из Шоушенка - 690 Мб

Merry Christmas

So it's christmas and I am here. I only want to update my journal because I don't want to miss a day. Nothing is going to change unless I change. I'm thinking about going back to school and staying in school and finishing something that has to do with computers. I wonder if there is a degree in computer troubleshooting that I can take at the community college. The thing that will be different this time around is that I actually want to succeed in learning everything I need to know about troubleshooting computers so that I can fix them properly and methodically. There has to be a certain way of troubleshooting computers that I must learn or pick up on so that I'm not always using trial and error as a way of fixing them because that is a very sloppy way of fixing computers. I hope that I can work for free and not charge for all that I do to fix people's computers. I try to do God's will when it comes to interacting with people, but for me, there are just too many things to remember. I constantly have to think about how I am going to behave around people. Things don't follow naturally at all. I don't have any faith in just being myself while attempting to start conversations. I feel as if I always have to plan ahead with what I want to say and I always pause and delay before saying anything. I wish that everybody was fat and ugly so that I would look at people the way they are not be distracted by what my eyes find appealing. Because with pretty girls, I find that I feel lust towards them. Sexy people provoke lust and I know that is wrong. It is wrong to look lustfully at women. We must view women as holy. Women are to viewed with the most respect and dignity. I fear that when I look at women with lust I see an object for my own selfish satisfactions and not as a person with God's spirit dwelling in them. I think about times when I have failed to live a holy life and it really bothers me to the point that I question why I fail to be the best possible person I can be. And the best possible person I can be doesn't whack off. Who am I?

I feel really sleepy for some reason. I think it was because I woke up at 9:00am today and never slept or took a nap. I must have slept at about 2:00am after eating the limited time only mcrib sandwiches from mc downalds. It was pretty good, I ate two, but I wish I had more to eat. More of my cousins are coming next month. I wonder if I should tell them that I want to be the new Jesus. Honestly, I think I'm falling back into my disbelief of becoming the new Jesus. I find myself constantly being afraid of interesting with people and down right being myself whenever I am around anyone other than myself. I think that I want to be more open and talkative, but I find myself being quiet and not revealing who I really am. Who am I? I think that I want to be the new Jesus, but I'm not loving God with all my soul. If I was, I would be doing everything in my power to get people to believe that Jesus has returned and is here to save and bring eternal peace and happiness to all of the world. I can't seem to just relax and let my emotions out faithfully. Why do I always hide? It seems so easy to just be scared and afraid and not say a single word. But you know I'm trying Lord. I pray that you will help and aid me whenever I start to believe that there is no hope and it is no use to keep trucking on when things aren't going my way. Please don't leave me God. I need you. I really do need you. Please stay with me as a true friend and comfort me whenever I so need it. But what if this is what I want? What if being afraid, alone, scared and without faith all what I truly desire. Why would I desire such things? Do I really want to feel like this all the time. When I'm feeling down the dumps this is when I usually whack off or masturbate. What if I am so close in finding God's love and throw it all away when I give into temptation. Why am I tempted? Will there come a time when temptation will no longer get the best of me? Well, off topic, but I pray that my cousin myrna and her mom can get a long more peacefully. They shout at each other and can't seem to say what they mean without being sarcastic. Will there come a time when we will no longer have problems? I really do wonder when that day will come. Do I want problems?

Problems give you something to solve and without them there would be nothing to busy oneself with. But are there some problems in the world where we wish they never existed. Like the problem with the morality of abortion? Once the egg is fertilized, it becomes a creation of God. The only thing that comes to my mind about the morality of abortion is the cost it would take to bring a newborn baby in the world and raise it. If money, time, hardship or other restraints were not the issue, I don't think anybody would feel the need to have an abortion. So until we can make the cost of living $0.00, this problem with abortion will still be there. And I don't believe that the birth mother or father should be the sole care givers of babies. Once born, the baby becomes a member of the world, not just a member of the immediately birth family. To me, everyone in the world would be father, mother, brother or sister to the new born baby. We must not shout at children but take care, always loving them and naturing them. We ourselves must act in holiness. Shouting vexes the spirit. I don't think anyone likes being shout at. Come on auntie, don't shout at your daughter anymore. There was a reason why you had her and named her as you did. Think of other ways of productively and constructively releasing your frustration than to shout at your only daughter who is special because of the name you gave her. Yes, she can be hard headed. But when you remember when you were being raised and when you were punished, what did you wish your mother and sister would have done instead of what they actually did? And do that. Don't shout or cause harm to the one that upsets you, instead, love and show compassion, peace, and kindness towards your daughter. We are the holy ones of the most high, we must be holy at all times and be gentle to all. Your daughter only does what she does because you treat her inappropriately. Don't forget about how you felt when you were being raised and try, really try to do that which you mom and older failed to do. Try to love instead of shouting. Try to understand. This is your only daughter. You still remember the pain you felt when you were young, try to see it's that same pain you are giving to your child. Do you really want your daughter to feel what you've felt when growing up? So love her auntie. Love her gently and compassionately.

So here, the fourth paragraph. I feel like I'm almost running out of time again. I pray that God will elect me to be one of his elect. I saw on the news that pope benedict was jumped by a lady in the crowd. Could this be related to me saying, "yes! I am here!" At the mass last sunday? I like that song anywhere by evanescence. "Unlock your heart, drop you guard, no one's left to stop you." I forgot the exact lyrics. Man, I'm just typing stuff to fill up space. As before, but my journal entries are getting really long because I think that I have a lot to say. I hope in the future I will always have something to talk about and it will flow out of me like a calm trickling stream. I hope that I will be able to just say what's on my mind easily and without much difficulty. It's flowing now, but I'm having some trouble making it flow smoothly. I'm having trouble expressing myself clearly. It's about 15 minutes before midnight and I fear that I will not be able to fill up the last paragraph in time. I'm too busy trying to think of what to say. What to say? Ok, how about more about the new id game. It would be awesome if they actually did hire as a free agent who works for free and writes the story about their game. If I'm thinking about going back to school I wonder if I will still do the job that id software might give me. Well, they'll probably just think I'm crazy and ignore me and the email I sent them. Ah well, at least I tried, you know? But about the game. The rock that is Jesus came from God. It is the loving God and his loving kingdom established that makes all that we experience today possible. From internet, to tv, food, and health with wealth. It's hard for me to imagine that this is the holy kingdom of God given to us by the son. There seems to be problems, but all that can be solved once we come into terms with the Lord's return. So am I the Lord's return? I seem to scare most adults, but kids seem to be really open towards my quest to become the new Jesus. But what should I do to become the new Jesus? Should I at least first go to school and earn at least some degree before I dedicate my entire life doing the Lord's will? What if going to school is part of that dedication I wish to have? What if finishing a degree in something positive and good by discipling myself to study the way to ultimately serving the Lord by loving him with all my might and strength? I really do wonder, and I hope to pray about it and research on what I can learn to help people with computers.

Final paragraph, only 10 minutes left. So basically about the story about a future id game. Church is there to help guide the world into it's transition from missing God, to fulfilled and received God. We made the church only because we didn't know how else to explain and express something as difficult as God to the world. But will I succeed? How will I succeed? Will I quit? Please god don't let me quit. Help me to succeed. Do I really want to do God's will? What if I don't want to God's will, will that make me happy? So is Jesus like a robot? He does everything that the father told him to do, is that what we all want from each other? Don't we want everyone to do as we say when we say without question or challenge? The least of you is the greatest and the greatest of you the least. Well. Happy birthday God. You are like really old now, but that's only because on this earth we worship and live under your authority. There really is no time. Time is not the same for everyone. We can start and stop a clock but are we really stopping or starting the world? I like what my dad said, there will always be a tomorrow. Even if everyone were to disappear and there wasn't anything in the world except the world alone, tomorrow would still go on. Jesus died and he was the beginning and the end, and yet there is still a tomorrow. On the last day, it really isn't the "last day" there will always be another tomorrow. And on top of that, if I am the Lord and I haven't returned to the people, it's another miracle. It's another day without Jesus' return and that to me is a miracle because there is something other than me that is keeping the world moving on. Maybe all we really need to do is have faith in each other. I remember in the past if I say that, "I am Jesus," I have to follow it with you are Jesus also. There is only one God, one Spirit, but there can be many people in the world who possess the spirit of God. I want to be part of the resurrection. That's why I avoid masturbating. And well, also because I feel like I let myself and the world down whenever I do whack off. The more I try to be a holy person with a real possible of achieving perfect holiness, the more I kind of become despairing and without hope. Please Lord, help me to love you. You know how to make me happy and joyful. I don't want to sin anymore, I only want to be you. Please make me just like you, or you even because I think that's what I want. Well, looks like I made it, see you world, merry christmas, pleasant dreams.

Merry Christmas Eve!

I'll be going to midnight church mass with my teacher. I promised my mom that I would behave so no sudden outbursts or anything. I hope they don't tell my sister that I made outbursts before in mass. I want to analyze myself and see if I have the same feelings of wanting to shout out during mass or not. I just want to see if I have these same feelings and not act upon them but be thankful that they are there. My heart races with anticipation whenever I feel the urge to shout out the contents making loud boasts in the Lord. I hope that I will continue to feel this way whenever I go to mass. These panic attacks I have seem to confront me during mass. But I promise not to act on them even though my heart races like a million miles a second. I simply want to be aware of these feelings and be thankful that God has bestowed upon me such an experience in church. I pray that I will feel like this always so that I may understand the constitency of God's grace. I don't want these panic attacks to go away, they make my blood pressure rise so much that I really feel alive whenever I have them. I remember when I was in grade school and we had oral reports, I would have the same panic attacks. I use to stutter a lot and feel so scared when I would have to speak up for oral reports in class. So well, feeling so panicky and scared is no new thing to me. The only difference now is that it centers around God and my faith in the Lord. That's really the only thing that has changed from them until now. I like to blame God for making me feel this way, but not really blame him, but inspired by him. How else can I explain how I feel during mass? I want to believe that I am being guided by the spirit, I mean, we wait in joyful hope right? Why are we so scared of him? He isn't here to judge, but to save. Not to condemn, but to forgive and set us free making everything free for all of us, forever.

I think that God wants us to all receive from the spring of life giving water without cost. God wants us to receive from him for free. We need to believe and trust having faith in him that he will make things all right and good for the world. But how will he return? I think if he came as a man, he will come as a man again. But I think God or Jesus or Satan can be anybody in the world. We are all holy, and some may think Satan is not holy, but if Satan burns in hell, that's like God disciplining his son. God disciplines all the sons he receives. But I was reading somewhere the the fire of heaven is more intense than the fire of hell. So it baffles me at how God loves his creations. Hell fire is not as hot as heavenly fire? But what it all really boils down to is you and your neighbor. We are here to make peace with all those who are war. At war can me anybody who has a problem with somebody else. This can mean big conflits like war and killing, or it can mean conflicts of someone who shouts at you and really scares you and you feel in a helpless circumstance. We are here to bring peace to the world, and I think if we didn't have to worry about earning a living just to survive, we can do the things that need to be done to make the world a better place. I'm not saying everyone live with their parents untl they reach the age of 30+ years, but I am asking you to love one another as you want to be loved. I wonder to myself, how has God loved me? Even till now I don't think I fully realize how good I have it in the world. I don't have to work or go to school, I usually just stay home and do a few miscellaenous chores around the house and I am given high speed internet with a decently fast computer and video games. So who am I doing? The priest suggested that whenever we are asked, we should say, "I am blessed." So I am blessed. Maybe I don't fully realize or believe, but I am.

I kind of wish everything was straight forward and true. Why do we have to live in a world where we believe in grief, sadness, and despair? Why do we have to feel these things before our eyes are opened to the true love of God? Why can't we know God's love from the moment of inception and all the days of our lives? I don't think anybody wants to be deceived, but we are by death and suffering? The only good thing I see about suffering, is that it helps to create meaning in one's life. But why suffer? Nobody really wants to suffer. I think we all desire to be genuinely happy forever and ever. Can anyone ever get tired of feeling happy? What if this is as good as it gets, for now? We are all trying to make the world a more heavenly place to live in by being good to our neighbor, treating them as we desire to be treated. But ultimately when we love our enemies, that is when we really make the world into a heavenly place. But how can you love someone who scares you? If you are always running away from God's love, you will sooner or later realize that God isn't someone who wants to harm you. Loving one's enemies is really unconditional love. It's easy to love someone who loves you back, but it is difficult to love one who hates you or wants nothing to do with you at all. But we keep trying. We try to love everybody, even Satan. Our goal is to completely love Satan and encourage him to return to the Father, just like the prodigal or wasteful son. When you realize all the wrong that you've done and come into terms with your mistakes, heaven rejoices. We are here to encourage one another, not to tell them they are wrong for believing in what they believe. Does it make you happy believing in what you believe now? If it does, then I should not be little or put down any of your beliefs. I think we see God differently and in our own way. We mustn't downcast or be little what faith we have in God. We are here to strengthen and support any and all beliefs that make one feel happy and faithful. We must always be thankful for each day because to me it's a miracle!

There's a difference between knowing the path and walking down it. I have these memories about God and Jesus and they seem rather frightening. Like I believe that God was at the front of the world and there were long lines of people. I began to feel very scared, agitated or disturbed because this God wasn't saying a single word. Just as I was about to open my mouth and speak my feelings, the God in front came to me very quickly as to condemn and kill me. Then immediately following I found myself hanging on the cross. I was Jesus hanging on the cross looking around and wondering to myself, yes, this is how it was meant to be. I am the king, and I have conquered the world returning to it, eternal life. So now that we know we are naked after eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. God or Jesus or Satan gives us the know how of how to possess everlasting life. It's hard for me to accept this right now, but I believe we are all meant to live forever in our bodies. Like before we ate from the tree of knowledge, we did live forever. Only after eating from it did God say that we shall surely die. And though we don't die right away, death seems to still take us during these present times. Will there really come a time when nobody would die anymore? I feel like that it's my duty and destiny for us to live forever in our physical bodies. I know it says that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, but why do we try so hard to live and survive on the earth? We believe something is really good about being alive in heaven on earth, is it possible to really possess eternal life while still in a physical body? How about when the physical body seems to break down and fail, where is our eternal life then? That's why I want to do away with names. Wherever there are two or more humans gathered in my name, there I am in their presence. The younger the children are, the closer they are to nirvana or bliss. If we can live that way from birth into adulthood, I think we will really believe we are holy and possess the kingdom forever and ever? But we tend to feel alone as we become isolated by our individual identities. We are the light, and I think it would be best if we didn't have separate individual names because that makes us our own God. So rather than naming your child, call them holy. All of them are holy, everyone is holy, we are all the same holiness. Then we can live in peace and heaven forever and ever never once falling into any type of sin or depression for all eternity.

But this is where we are now. We like things that are really cheap, almost free. And I believe that God wants to give us all that we ask in faith in him for free. The only way I see myself achieving this is to work for free also. Volunteer working is good, but I can't seem to find a volunteer job that fits me. I feel afraid of going back to school because I fear that I will have to pay my parents back for sending me to school paying all my tuition. I would have to find a job and pay them back for all the money that they spent for me. And I really don't want to work for money, but I think it's inevitable. All I'm thinking right now is to fix people's computers for free. I will do my best to get it up and running the way you want it all with zero cost to you. I should have said that I want absolutely nothing whatsoever in return. No strings attached. I realize my error in saying to my friend that I want him to vote for me to become the new Jesus. That's asking something in return, even more than just plain money. So that is my error there. I should ask for NOTHING in return. What does a tree ask for giving fruit for all the birds to eat? Nothing. And the tree is alive and God keeps it health and strong by providing rain or water for it and the sun. So I'll start off small and work and toil for the Lord. I trust God will provide everything that I need in order to accomplish his will. So if you don't really need money right now in order to survive, I encourage you to likewise work for free asking nothing in return. Be like a fruit tree that gives food to the people. God takes cares of the birds, why not trust that God will take care of you since you are even more a better and holier creation than the birds. I want to believe in God more, I just feel afraid to confess out loud to the Lord. It shocks people. So I'll be quiet and pray during mass and be aware of my panic attacks and pray that God will provide everything all in good time. Have a merry christmas everyone! Take care and PEACE!

if you beleive in love, you believe in God.

Perhaps to ultimately get rid of money, people will actually be paying employers to hire them. And the applicant asks nothing in return whatsoever and works for free. So workers will actually be paying employers to hire them instead of paying workers for being hired. If you want to be hired for the job, you have to desire to work for free and pay the employer a large sum of money to be considered for the job. That would be really cool huh? That's how we get rid of the power of money. We need to pay people in order to hire or listen to us and at the same time we ask for absolutely nothing in return except for the desired job and some moments of your time. Maybe we can have a potential battle where one side is ready to unleash hell, but after an emotional argrument where both sides exchage heated arguments, they vow for a non military comproise to solve their problems. Well, if we are all going to work and work for free. I want to guarantee that all those who live in homes with mortages will still be able to keep their home. They will submit an application that says that they are working without pay and desire to keep present homes and possessions while being able to aquire new possessions - all for free.

At the same time we will be giving those without homes, homes for free while raising the standard of living for everyone in the community. The goal is to make everybody work for free and receive whatever they ask, for free also. At first, as it is now, there will be shortages in the supply of goods and services for the world. But slowly and steady we will be able to keep up with the demand and even supply more than what is required for all the inhabitants of the world. We will have a surplus of surplus of resources in which we can store and save to distribute wherever necessary and needed. I think what's needed is to find out where all of the money ultimately goes to and ask the final receipient if there is something other than money that he or she desires or needs. The goal is to give goods and services directly to whoever desires it completely bypassing the word money as an uneccessary middle man in day to day transactions or agreement. If you want something, you get it without ever needing to worry of how much it's going to cost you before you can get it. It will be completely free, no strings attached, nothing, yours 100%. Those who serve the most will be considered the greatest in society. The harder that you work to provide your goods and services for the world without cost, the more holy and blessed you are thought of and considered to be one who is greatly respected and whole heartedly loved in the world. One might be afraid that free goods or services will lack quality. But it's my intention to be held under the same regulations, rules, and laws in which paid for goods and services today are held under, except instead of paying for these goods and services, you receive them absolutely free.

This may seem like a very large task, but from my observations things are only getting cheaper, faster, and better. What we can buy with the same amount of money now, we can nearly 10times that same amount 10 years ago. Like a $5000 dollar computer now, is 10+ times more better than a $5000 computer 10 years ago. Another example would be a connection to the internet. $20 can get you speeds that completely blow away speeds bought for $20 10 years ago. So ultimately things will reach a point where money will no longer be necessary in order to receive whatever it is you want or if it's necessary still, it will be dirt cheap. I think what I really need to do now is stand by God. In the past I've always made loud boasts, then run away. If there is something to be learned, it is not to runaway from proclaiming or doing something. I wonder now, to myself, is it God that is curing me or is it the medication? Is the medication ultimately in God's control? Does it really matter what is responsible for me continuing to be alive and not medically dead? When the eyes are dialated, is a person really dead? Are those corpes buried underground dead people? Are cadavers that students use to disect in medical really dead people? Or is it just flesh? Like an automobile in a junkyard? The car or body might be old, worn and thrown away, but the spirit or driver of the car lives on elsewhere. Will there actually come a time when the flesh and blood shall inherit the kingdom of God? Will there come a time when man shall overcome the medical definition of death? Shall death ultimately be swallowed up in victory? I guess we are just waiting Jesus' return. To me it's not a big deal. Like rain.

I think there are no 3 persons in one God. To me it's more like 2 persons instead of 3. There is God the Holy Spirit, and God the Son. I say this because I want to be God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit is the unseen wind that blows wherever it wills influencing me to think about the one God. I guess maybe there are three persons in one God. I am the Son who is moved by the Spirit with thoughts about God the Father. The Son always wonders and thinks about the Father and it is the Spirit that allows and moves the Son towards his Father. The spirit is very intriguing to me. It's like an uncontrollable water fountain springing up life from the resevoir within. But like the bible put it, it's like the wind that you can feel but don't really know where it came from or where it is going. I wish that fat, ugly, depressing women smiled more. I wish that they were more attractive than skinny, sexy, young, hot looking girls. Because for some reason the hot skinny young girls are more appealing. I don't know why this is, is it because of the television? Do I find these particular women attractive only because at a young age I grew up looking at these kinds of women on the tv? Or is it really true that young, skinny, sexy girls are truly more appealing and attractive than fat, ugly girls with no legs? I have an idea of the perfect girl in my mind. Is that idea the true idea of the perfect looking girl, or is it an idea that was placed there from watching television at a young age up until now? If we are all holy ones, it shouldn't matter what girls look like because we are all the same. We are the light of the world and the holy ones men and or women possess that light that comes from the Lord. So it must be my eyes deceiving me whenever I desire to look at women for their looks instead of the true light that originates from Satan, God, and or Jesus Christ.

Someone once told me that Satan, Jesus, and or God are all part of the same family. It is an incredible insight if you ask me. I honestly never looked at it that way. I always thought that Satan was bad. But Satan can be understood as the sinner son in the story of the prodigal son where the younger son went off and squandered his inheritance on sinful things while the righteous son stayed with his father and was a "good" boy. But then the father throws a big party once the sinful son return and nothing special for the older more rigteous son. It doesn't seem fair why one who has sinned greatly is forgiven and the one who hasn't sinned at all goes kind of unnoticed by the father. It just doesn't seem to make sense why righteous people are not praised more than sinful people. Why is there greater joy for one repentant sinner than 10 righteouss, sinless people? I guess it's all the effort it takes to realize your mistakes and truly change yourself by a realization of what you've done wrong. But I think it would have been nice if the father threw a bigger party for the righteous son, no? Maybe the father would be afraid that the righteous son would be so proud of himself and so full of himself that it would all be flattery and nothing else. Once your righteous, what else can you possibly be? More righteous? Isn't that redundant? And the sinner son is humbled by his realization of his sin and will make every effort to stay the course without ever becoming to full of himself because he's been there and done that. He was full of himself when he sinned, and turning away from sin gave him a perspective of what not to do in the future. I don't think I'm being proud when I say I want to be Jesus or flat out saying I am him. I'm trying to speak confessions to the Lord. I use my mouth to confess Him wherever I may be. Is this wrong? Isn't this an act of faith what I'm doing when I feel like disrupting mass? Will I disrupt mass during christmas ceremony? I just want to be aware of how I feel and wonder to myself what it ultimately means for me to feel these panic attacks and if it is really God and not just me who desires to speak out and be heard by all.

Laborers in the vineyard. Matthew 20:1-16

The payment of one denarius is heaven. Those who worked for the whole day were jealous because they toiled for much longer hours than those who toiled for only one hour but received the same payment. I think about how those who provide movies for absolutely free to download and those who still don't provide free downloads of the latest movies. The last (the ones who don't provide free downloads) will be paid first for their labor, and those who have been working for the longest time will be paid last, basically the payment is heaven. We who work the longest must not be envious of those who work the shortest. Like the prodigal son story, there was one son who did everything the father asked, and yet when the wasteful son returned, the father threw a big party. God or the widow actually searches for the missing coin day and night (Luke 15:8-10). So once a sinner repents we rejoice glady and gloriously. He was once dead, now is alive. Great sin once forgiven, turns into great love.

You are here to live in the glory of God. As a holy one, the Lord will not shun or reject you in whatever endeavor you choose. Just as long as you worship the Most High who is like a spirit that whispers in your ear the glory of his everlasting kingdom. You know what you must do, just listen with your being the contents of your conscience. It's you. You know what bothers you, seek to find the joy that overcomes whatever concerns or sadness that you feel. Work towards that goal, striving to be happy (Desiderata). Do all that you must to feel and be happy by asking the Lord what it is that is pleasing to him. Personally for me, it's working for free and thinking only about the best kingdom or world imaginable today. If everything was for free because of the love I have been shown, shouldn't this also work for the rest of the world? Holy people love with all their strength. How has God loved me? He has given me parents who do not kick me out of the house for failing to go to school or work for money like everybody else. I must not forget just how blessed I am. I must freely give.

Possible story for an Id game.

The stone that was rejected became the corner stone. This stone is the mill stone that was not fashioned by man's hands, but by the God almighty. It is Jesus. But Jesus is a rather slow yet deep thinking person. We believe he is God, and yet where is he? His kingdom is of love and compassion to all. A savior who doesn't judge or condemn, but forgives and raises the dead. Basically the goal of the game is to make the game better than what it already is. It's to improve the game as much as possible in holiness and truth. We must find all those who live in darkness and bring them into the light. Those who live in darkness are the sinners who have not been loved or have not realized the love that we have hidden from them. The more "dead" people that are raised, the better the game gets. The ultimate goal is to make the game as holy as possible, bringing everyone to the light of Christ. The only real enemy is yourself. I am my own worst enemy. You must fight the fear, disbelief, and lack of faith you have in your character by confronting your fears whatever they may be. Fear in the game can be broken up into things like, fear of telling people how you really feel instead of saying, "I'm fine," which is a lie, you say, I feel like a stinking pile of shit. Or your fear of confronting another person who is cursing you or shouting loudly at you, you must love them by listening to them and faithfully yet slowly guiding them into a more peaceful, soft spoken, loving person. Basically I'm talking about emotional fear, rather than fear of heights or something of that nature. It's going to be a rather psychological game.

You have to think the best way to establish God's kingdom to it's fullest most pure effect. There are mini or side games where you work. You can choose to work for money, or you can choose to work for free. If you choose to work for money, things will be really hard as there will be people constantly asking you for the money that you earned. If you work for free, there will be not many people asking for your help, but your efforts will seem to accomplish nothing to very little. That is until you are able to spread the fruit of your labor encouraging all those around you to take the path of working for free also. The more of a servant you are, the bigger your character becomes. If you just consume the video games and resources without contributing anything, your character becomes really small. But the more you behave a servant, especially without asking anything in return for your work, your character becomes really huge. There will be a lot of tiny players who consume things rather than contribute feeding off your hugeness, but if you keep working, you will remain more or less your same size. The goal is to become so huge that despite of how many little consumers or parasites leech off of you, you can provide all their needs and still maintain your huge size. The goal is to provide everything for free and still be able to keep up with the demand of the tiny leecher resources that they want from you. Eventually these tiny leech players who only consume will break off of you and start to become rather large themselves. And other smaller leecher players will attach on to them and repeat the same process. Ultimately everybody will be really huge and not need to leech off of bigger players and from there they go out to the world and make their own worlds.

Yeah, the more you work for free, the bigger your character gets but you will not have many weapons at your disposal. The primary weapon you have is your voice and faith in God. You have more faith in God whenever you confront your emotional fears like talking more to people by speaking from the contents of your heart. There will be those people who will discourage you and tell you not to speak from your heart. But if you persist and persevere, your reward will be great in heaven. But if you get scared and lose the faith of God you have in God, your character will get smaller again. There will be situations in crowded places where everyone is praying, and you feel like you must open your mouth and confess to the world your heart's content of the Lord, but these moments bring in panic and an increased heart rate. Like pulsating blood in your body. If you keep trying and keep believing that you are holy and true, these moments will always come to you. If you are unable to speak your heart's content at the given time, there will be more opportutnies to do that in the future. You get points for remembering all the times you've felt this way but failed to act and live up to the moment. But you ought to wonder to yourself why you feel this way and if there will come a time when you wouldn't feel so terrified or panicky during these circumstances. Will there come a time when you can speak easily and freely without the panicky fear that you have now when you are in church or around a large group of people? There will be times when your character will go into despair and call onto the Lord to help them strengthen them, this is when you will be granted some solace and peace, enough to help encourage you to go on even though your character is weak.

Another goal would be to overcome the beginning of the fear of people. If you ask nothing in return, nothing whatsoever, your character becomes stronger. The goal is to make everybody want absolutely nothing in return, no money, no voting for anything, no personal information, nothing, absoulutely free. To want nothing with absolutely no strings attached whatsoever is the ultimate goal. Hopefully the more people receive this way, the more they will desire to do the same for their neighbor. So the more you give without asking for anything whatsoever in return, the bigger your character get and more tiny little characters will begin to leech off of you ultimately becoming pretty big themselves once they detach and become autonomous. I really can't wait for the day when all the things that cost money will be free. Everything will be free! Give me whatever your faith tells you to give me. If you think I deserve something, then take a chance and offer me whatever it is you think I deserve. If you simply want to take from me without any second thought of paying me anything, that's fine too. But if you're bold and feel like giving back, do to others as I have done to you. Give to others freely as I have given you freely and you shall surely be great! Serve and not be served is the way to go. I work for free! No strings attached! So that's a start, maybe when I re-read this I can get into more specifics of the game. See you everyone.

Why I don't want to go to school.

I think it takes discipline to sit down and study something. To me I like thinking about things that interest me or whatever it is that may come to mind. I like closing my eyes and listening with my mind the contents of the spirit which is like the wind. It goes wherever it wills and brings understanding, peace, and contentment to all who make themselves available to its presence. We must listen to one another. Each of us has a perspective of God that is unique only to ourselves. We meet people who seem to share our perspective of God but still I believe we are unique. We are unique and the same. We are similar because we are all holy. We are the light. When we shine, we reflect the light given to us by God. I don't want to work or study because I don't want to put my trust in money. Yes money is here now, but it's my goal to eliminate it completely. Work will be done in the world because we love what we do and we love our neighbor as ourself. Everything will be free.

Like me, for example. I haven't worked for money ever since I was born. I'm 29 now and because my parents didn't kick me out of the house for not finding a job or studying in a field in order to find a job, I feel motivated to work for free and not seek personal gain as something to fulfill the empty hole in my soul. Since I have been loved for free, I desire to love for free. I want to give to everyone from the spring of life giving water without cost. It's amazing to me to see that all of it is already done. My uncle priest explained to me what it meant for something to be already done. He said that when a baby is born, it is done. The only thing left is for the baby to grow up and become an adult. I like to also understand the passage, "it is done," by comparing it to the mustard seed. It's smaller than all the other seeds but when it is full grown it becomes the biggest tree in the garden.

I want to believe that I am that mustard seed. I have been full grown, and I think if I keep praying and thinking about God, he/the spirit will guide me to the everlasting paradise that is meant for all. I know that the primary thing to combat, fight, or get rid of is money. I want to get rid of money because it negates the truth about things being available for free. If you have to "pay" for something, it isn't free. And the Lord wants to give each of us everything, for free. You must simply ask with faith, and with faith you shall receive. I know I said to myself that receiving whatever I asked would be the last thing I ever last. But personally, it seems I still want more. So I must stop myself from desiring more than what I already have as far as material possessions are concerned. But in the future we will want many things and I believe all those things we want will be freely given to everybody.

I remember when I was 16-17, I was playing a video game called "quake 1" and on the server the maker of the game told me his name and I didn't believe him. John Carmack. I practically worshiped the guy because I was so addicted to the game he made. Then I didn't believe that the person on the game server was actually him. Maybe we do that to God. When he does show himself, it's very hard to simply accept him, embracing his glory and sharing the love we've always had towards him by our worship. He was my God back then, and I couldn't accept him. Maybe because I didn't believe him. I thought it was somebody else pretending to be him. So how would we know if the person on the other line is really in fact who he/she say they are? Especially if we're just reading text on the computer screen and not hearing their own voice through speakers? I'll probably would have believed it was him if I heard his voice because I have an idea of what he ought to sound like. But ultimately it becomes a matter of faith. Should I take the plunge and believe having faith or not?

I'm thinking about becoming a writer for Id Software for their game Rage or perhaps a future game that has to do with the future but in fact really is just the present with bells and whistles. I think I'll submit a story about the post apocolaypse. To me apocalpyse occured when the dawn of Jesus and his mission manifested itself on the earth. Hopefully this game will be rated for everyone. Kids might like to play it because it is has a good beat to it, like a song, adults will like to play it for it's story and philosophy describing how the world progressed and growned into it's present state. The best games are those that best reflect present times in the world. Rather than focusing on the pure fantasy and imagination of the creative mind, we will take bits and parts of the world as we know it and incorporate it into a game. Hopefully things won't be too violent because kids will be playing this game, but at the same time, how will we incorporate killing with what we read in the bible?

аааа модемом вплотную к окну все-таки ловит! нет, сегодня однозначно замечательный день

why wait?

Why wait until you are dead before you do God's will? All those who have physically died are simply sleeping. They are blessed with the spirit of God and we will raise them up from their slumber in the same way Jesus rose Lazarus from the dead. He said, he is only sleeping. We sleep too, and when we wake up, we greet the day with our liveliness. God is not the God of the dead, so when you are dead, you cannot do those things which the living do. And the living are able to browse the web and do things which only living ones can do. When you are dead, you cannot do any of these things. But with our hopes when we die, we will rise again. We will be able to do the things that we do now even after we die. But when you die or become dead as what we define what death is, one day the flesh and blood WILL BE ABLE TO INHERIT THE KINGDOM OF GOD. For there shall be no more death, and he shall wipe away all the tears from their eyes. God is not dead. Our goal is to live forever in the flesh and blood.

When someone says Jesus is dead, they are confessing their own personal beliefs in Him. They do not feel alive because their spirit is telling them otherwise. It is not their fault. It is my goal to raise their spirits so that they may be alive once more experiencing the joy of the risen King. When we think of heaven, we think of something high up in the sky. To put it a different way, heaven, is whatever you conceive to be the greatest good. It's very "high" or near the "top", but it doesn't necessarily have to do with physical altitude like flying high in the sky on an airplane. Yes, you are in the heavens, but when bible talks about heaven, I think it's really talking about what you personally believe to be the best, most pure and holy place that you can muster up or imagine. We are united under the word "heaven" it's just that our understanding of what it's like to be in our own personal heavens differ a bit.

Am I ready for you Lord? Do I possess the ability to do your will if a lot of people were to come to me as the savior? Or should I only take small steps in accomplishing your will in the world? Like a turtle. I feel like I want to do so much, but I am at a loss of where to begin. Maybe I shouldn't try to accomplish so much in little time, but instead accomplish a little in a lot of time. Yeah. But I want to do so much! I want to change the world instantly! Is this possible with my current faith in the Lord? What do I have faith in right now? I want to be the good Lord. BUt when I say this, I'm really saying that you are the good Lord too. We are all the holy ones of light. As time progresses on, things become clearer and clearer. Soon we will know the truth of everything. What is the truth from God? That are holy, pure and true. All of your sins have been forgiven. There is no more need to fear, you are the light of the world. If you are Jesus or God or Satan, you are holy.

Death isn't the end. Before you can be born again, you have to die. Dying simply means shedding your old self to become a new self. The way a snake sheds his skin to reveal new skin. I believe this to be being born again. It's letting go of your fears and embracing the light that you already are, always have been. Before when I was entering things in this journal, I wasn't aware of what I was saying. I would say something, but I wouldn't follow up on them. I was expressing, but I wasn't doing anything with my expression. Now I know that if I say something, I must stand by it and do my best to accomplish whatever it is that I say now. Actions speak louder than words. I need to act now. But what should I do? How do I stand behind and act upon all that I've said here today? I feel like going to the church and speaking to the priest about my application to be jesus or god or satan. They're really all the same. They are beings who we believe have power. To fear God is to fear a life taker.

Every passing day seems like a miracle to me. It's like God is waiting for the one to return and bring all the holy ones together in a united direction. I need to be around people more. I need to mingle with them and exist with them wherever they are. When two or more are gathered in my name, there I am in their presence. Be not afraid, I go before you always, come follow me and I wiill give you rest. Heaven is being experienced right now. We do everything in this life to achieve goodness and holiness. The only thing lacking is our understanding of the full, complete, and ultimate good of the world. We don't want to die, and if we do die, we want to be guarantted eternal life if and when we do die. We want to be with the God of the living. Jesus or Satan or God is this God of the living. So even though you die, you will rise again. Yes, there always is a tomorrow. Even if everybody dies, there will always be life with God, and the God of the living who exists forever and ever. Peace.

offering.

I would like to offer myself as the potential body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. But I believe that we are all God. God waits for us patiently and with full understanding and gives us opportunities do embrace him. We are all the holy ones of the Lord. Am I ready for you Lord? How long will you wait for me to be ready? You know me Lord, you know that I try. Help me to be full of joy and peace during this time. I know that time is only there to urge us to do what we must. But in Jesus' reality, he has all the time in the world. But he is coming soon, so we musn't think we can just wait around forever, we must prepare ourselves always abiding in the work of the Lord because your toil is not in vain when working for Jesus. I never knew what I behave as I did before, now I know.

"..we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our savior Jesus Christ - yes! I am here!" I said, "yes! I am here" right after we said, "..coming of our savior Jesus Christ." I think I should have said, "Peace to all of you!" When we were saying, "I leave you my peace, my peace I give to you!" I should have said out loud, "I give you my peace! My peace is with you now and forever and ever!" Throughout the entire mass, I feel my heart leaping constantly. I feel begged by the spirit to open my mouth, speak out and proclaim His presence to everyone. Before I wasn't aware of the words I was saying. I thought I should only say them and nothing else. Now, time is moving quickly and I must try to come to the world quickly without anymore delay. I constantly ask God, what can I do to fulfill his will.

And the answer I receive is, "keep trying, don't give up, you can do this, keep working for me because toil is not in vain!" I must keep my eyes on the prize. And the prize is this, to become the second coming or return of the Lord Jesus. That is my ultimate goal. I want the world to realize that he has returned and make the world full of joy. I know you've been waiting for me, I hope that I don't disappoint you. Offer me to the alter and bless me as the return of Jesus. I only want to do the will of God. I want to make the world the best place for everyone, every nation, every tongue, EVERYBODY! I keep believing that you are the body and blood of our Lord Jesus. You are the holy ones of the Most High! Great sin, once forgiven, turns into great love. I'm trying to do your will Lord, but I feel powerless without you. I know that you are waiting for me. Waiting for me to overcome these fears.

We shouldn't diminish or make less the beliefs we have in God. Instead we must encourage, strengthen, and bolster any and all beliefs we have of God in the world. We all look at God differently, who are we to decide one point of view is true or false? You can look at someone from a distance or close up. Or even from above and below. Your point of view of the world is precious and true, no one should ever try to convince you otherwise unless you are feeling down in the dumps or depressed. Love is not perfected in those who are afraid. So if you are afraid or sad, perhaps it would be best to listen to others point of view of what is holy. To me right now, I feel like I'm working. I'm busying myself with my thoughts about who I believe God to be. And since God is holy, you are holy too because you come from God and whatever comes from God is blessed and holy. All of us come from the Most High.

I'm sorry Chris, for telling you to kill women. It was because I was masturbating and in my mind that was such a sin and wrong thing to do. I looked at women with lust and the only way I knew how to not sin was to attack that which made me sin. I was so wrong and in my sins when I said I should kill women or girls. It was me with the problem, not them. I must avoid looking lustfully at women because they are holy too. Please forgive me God, Satan, Jesus, Amelia, we're one big family here, we must love one another even those who feel most contempt towards. The time is always now. Right now is the best time to do the will of Gd (God). Am I ready now to become the one Lord? What am I waiting for? Why am I waiting? Fear. I have fear. But I'm working on alleviating it! Help me Lord persevere.

the future me.

The urging voice and feelings in me encourage me right now to keep trying. Keep pressing on with my efforts to do the Lord's will. What is the Lord's will? To proclaim to the world the return of Jesus. But the thing is, I believe Jesus, Satan, or God to be the same thing. They are just words to describe powers. Why do we feel sad when a person dies? Didn't Jesus say we must be born again in order to inherit the kingdom? And in order to be born again, we have to die. But death is not the end because we are raised imperishable at the Lord's return. I feel it is my duty to make God's return come true.

Well, if I can become God or Jesus. I will tell them how I grew up and how I was raised so that we can be aware of and search for all those who are just like me. At least I think I will be forerunner of how God grew up and developed into what he is today. An achetype to spawn innumerable holy archetypes. Just keep trying God. Keep trying Jesus. Give me the power to overcome whatever obstacles may come my way. Help me to believe in you always and know that you are near wherever I may go. They should make complete remakes of song lyrics that touch us. Don't mimic the beat, but make an entirely different song but with the exact same lyrics.

I guess I'll just do away with making each paragraph about 7 sentences long and just make 5 paragraphs. Numbers I believe are completely meaningless by themselves. We ultimately define what they are. In order to God, you must know your name and the password. What is the password for God? Jesus. We believe Jesus is God because we have built our world around his goodness and love. We give meaning to God's name. But I believe that Satan is thrown in the mix to bring about wrath in our souls, those of us who do not yet fully believe and faith in the resurrection. I think God's kingdom is very slow and unmovable. Like a turtle. It takes time to get there, but with persistence and steady work, you shall perservere.

In the future, once you enter a chat room, everyone will be directly linked to your blog page and it details everything you ever wanted to know about the person. Preferably you have a recent picture of yourself as the avatar. God is slow. Things are only getting cheaper and better, more realistic these video games are. I must not test the Lord my God. I test him by saying, what if I kill myself, or what if I do something other than what I'm suppose to do? Like having premarital sex with women. Or slacking off when God wants me to do something. But fear is always the impeding force which keeps me alone and unfaithful.

I go make the kingdom a better place. Man, it would interesting to resurrect the aramaic speaking disciples. Or would they be the same as the everyday people we meet today? It's only flesh and blood, and that cannot enter the kingdom of heaven. How can I become a life giving spirit? When I think of a spirit, I don't imagine it having a physical body. I imagine a sprite or like a distant star in our galaxy. It twinkles in the moon light, it is small, like a spark of light. That to me is a spirit. Maybe I'm just seeing things at the corner of my eye, but these sparks of light I see disappear when I try to look directly into them. I haven't had any sparks of light when typing this specific journal entry. Where are they?

skinny people.

I think skinny people (models) are not very smart. All they have are there beauty and looks. They appeal to the eyes and well I suppose are the perfect vessels for producing babies. But I'm talking mostly about women. I think men are more prone to desiring in planting their seed in those women who seem most fertile. Plus it's a culture thing. We put it in people's minds that fat women are not attractive. We base so much of our thoughts on how people look. We're all holy. We possess the light. We shouldn't judge a book by it's cover or size because there all books and they come in various shapes and sizes. It's all good. I think that's why I don't want to have sex. No sex for me!

We all want to be taken care of. If God can guarantee our welfare, girls wouldn't have to play all these games against boys. We all want something. God wants to give all to all. I'm one of the holy ones, oh yeah! Holy are we! Come on lord jesus, come to the world that loves you. There is no more need to be afraid, we're waiting for you, peace to you and your kingdom forever and ever! I think the people we are against are the ones who reveal the greatest discrimination in us. Like me, I don't want to look at attractive women because it causes me to sin. I sin by committing adultery in my heart.

Unattractive women, on the other hand, makes me wonder why I don't find them attractive. I want everybody to be the same. I don't want there to be a divide between attractive and unattractive. I want everybody to be attractive, holy and good. We are all the same. If we were all the same, we would never feel alone again. We should always fight that temptation in our hearts which cause us to feel uncomfortable. We should nod our heads and hearts to whatever it is that is difficult to agree with or accept and ask for forgiveness. We must repent for the hardness in our hearts. Strive to feel good to all.

Can man become God? I like to think so. We try hard to do our best, what's the point of trying if we don't get what we are trying for. I'm trying to be God, wouldn't God in all his kindness let me be him? I want to be you Lord! God says, "yes, you are me, you've always been, just never realized it!" Cool beans. So what's it like being God? Well, I'm not God yet. The church or people of the world first have to accept me as the Lord. I am the Lord of lords. And I want to give you everything that I have without cost. Completely and utterly free are my powers whatever they are. I want to be God.

Ask the church to bless and sanctify me as the body and blood of our Lord Jesus. But quite honestly, I believe that Jesus and Satan are the same. Only because Jesus loves his enemies. He loves his enemies so much that he gave his life for them. And there is no greater love than to give you life for your friend, and we are all friends here, the holy ones, all of us. Oh yeah I was reading some philosophy and there are two types of knowledge. A prior the best knowledge that God can provide, and a posterori, knowledge that seems to be true but in the future could be quite easily proven wrong.

смотрела я смотрела на эту картину, и решила написать. никогда не интересовалась живописью. сама не рисую и картинами не интересуюсь.

но тем не менее, на картины Артема почему-то могу смотреть бесконечно, они для меня как музыка. хочется посмотреть еще и еще. черт, а мне работать надо.

"Люцифер грезящий"



взято отсюда

сайт Артема

зависайте :)

moo moo.

he ascended into heaven, and thence from there he shall come to judge the living and the dead. It is finished. It is done. How has Jesus already risen from the dead? On the third day, he rose again and ascended into heaven. Each passing day seems like a miracle to me. It's like, if I'm God and don't mingle with the people and the people still survive without my presence, how is that so? People pray for the return of Jesus and I feel with each passing day without his return, I let them down. How can I be all that the holy ones want me to be? Will there come a time when I will be with all people?

What if we don't really die, us who believe that Jesus rose from the dead? To possess eternal life is to believe in this. The thing is, you really don't die if you believe in the Son of Man. Christ has died, Christ is risen, Chris has returned. What in the bible, we read everything that is needed to know. We might talk about hell and eternal punishment, but perhaps that's all in the past. Now, there is only forgiveness and salvation. But God is now past and future. Could it be that wherever there is fear, there is punishment because love is not yet perfected in those who are afraid?

The only reason I think why my parents want me to go back to school is that they believe that they won't live forever. But that's a contradiction because if you believe in God, you have eternal life, you don't die. We mustn't worry about tomorrow but only focus on today. If I become God, I would ask everyone to do away with money. Work for free and you will be given everything for free also. There will be no more need to buy things because all you would have to do is pick and choose what you like from the stock pile. I suspect there will be shortages for a little while as goods will be in highest demand.

But I believe we possess the manufacturing capability to produce an abundance of food and goods for everybody on the planet, all we have to do is make EVERYTHING free. It seems to me that all money really is is a measuring tool. Once the church blesses and sanctifies the bread and wine or body and blood as Jesus, which they do in mass each time, there will be no need for money. I think the only reason why money exists is because people believe they need it. Once God goes out to the world and reveals his glorified presence to all, money will no longer be an issue, it will become obsolete.

Max huh? To the MAX? EVERYTHING to the "MAX!" Well I think now would be the best time to not name your child at all. You'll speak to him or her, and they will have a cellphone that you can call to speak, but yeah huh? Do I really want to live forever in my body like the highlander? I was talking to my sister that, hmm. What if there was no such thing as time? We would all live and do what we do and go where we go wherever it is that we go. I'm wondering about weight now for some reason. I believe that really fat people have something totally in common with really skinny people. Like opposites, they attract. It's only the in the middle where they meet the not to fat or skinny.

понабрали колдунов по объявлению.

us.

Us. Who are we? Are the christians just like the jews who are awaiting the messiah? They don't believe that Jesus is the messiah, or do they? If Jesus does return will they believe then? Perhaps that's the resurrection of the dead. What if we worship our thoughts about words. Like armageddon. What is it really? Ultimately, all armageddon means is end. What am I doing here? Am I a co-conspirator to hell on earth? If we believe something in the mind, does that make it real? I believe it is God alone who makes things real or unreal. It is widely accepted that one, Jesus arrived and existed.

I think einstein said that there is no such thing as time, only distance between objects. So right now we think that a "day" is "24" hours. When in the future, especially when you're a space astronaught, there's really no such thing as a 24-hour clock, only here on earth. But I don't think I want to be an accessory to armageddon because a lot of people will die, but they will all be resurrected like in video games. Will there come a time when we can kill our physical bodies and return it back to life? But Jesus did this already. He was dead and he rose from the dead. So I guess this is all really old news.

I suppose we're all just really here to make the world a better place. That's it. Just make things as good and awesome as possible for as many people as possible, the more the merrier. It almost seems like with each passing day a miracle occurs. I think that in the future we will not understand each other as individuals. We will all be holy ones who possess the light, there will be no more distinction between persons, all will be endowed with the light. We will be like jack-o-lanterns in the night that give light for all. Holy lighted ones. But I wonder, why do we wait for Jesus to return? The second coming?

But when Jesus died and rose from the dead, can that mean that after dying and rising that his second coming was when he rose from the grave? That when he resurrected that was his second coming? But I don't know why the second coming of jesus is such a widely accepted belief. As a catholic we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our savior jesus christ. How do we prove to the world that God is really anybody, holy and true? We all fit in the world somewhere, it is our hope we find our niche in the world. We each have our place in this world (michael w. smith - place in this world). The church can be wrong.

It was wrong about considering the earth to be the center of the universe. Is believing that the earth is round and that it co exists with other planets in a solar system an act of faith? Before we didn't believe these things, now we do. Proof. God wouldn't do these things if he didn't at least provide some evidence of it's truthfulness. But where do we draw the line from believing that God is there without proof? Will all the world one day prove that God 100% exists without a shred of doubt whatsoever? The return of Jesus. The return of God. That would be the daaaaay, that I die! But why die? LIVE!

the elect.

But first I wonder if there is any glory in disciplining your kids by spanking or hitting them. I know when I was being disciplined, I would always run away. Can you really teach a kid to turn the other cheek when spanking them? It was really hard for me to show love towards my dad when he would spank me. I definitely did not want to be spanked by him much less offer to be spanked more whenever he did spank me. Do you know any kid who would quietly accept abuse whenever it was dealt? Anyways, I'm afraid of getting old. I really don't want to grow in an aging body that deteriorates as time goes by.

I'm hoping with some fear that things will be different this time around. In the past I remember whenever I tried to express myself, I would do so, then stop. I would have no follow through, I wouldn't see things all the way to their finish. I'm hoping with a little fear that I can stand tall and rise to the heavens. Neon genesis evangelion. Let the Lord's will be done in heaven as it is being done on earth. I'm not God, yet, but I would like to be. I have to be blessed by the church, and until I am blessed and sanctified, I will simply be plain old steven ryan datu. Encourage the church!

My mom believes that when jesus comes he will sit as a judge. But jesus came to the world to save it, not condemn it, and a judge either aquits you or condemns you to death. I think the reason why I feel so suicidal at times is because I want that God that my mom believes in to come true. I feel that if I die physically, she dies, and God will come to pass. I think that we believe that people are all the same. Depending on how we are raised we feel and believe our parents and strangers we meet to be the same. We act around strangers pretty much the same way we act or treat the ones who raise and love us.

If we love our children, do we "God" our children? What does that mean if God is love? What does it mean to "God" your children? It's weird, I don't really know. But about the elect. It's like being a candidate for the presidency, you run to become the president and you are not the president until you are elected, sworn in, and hold the office. It's the same with the church, the church needs to take the body and blood and bless it before it becomes the body and blood of jesus. So I'm just a running mate it seems until all of that happens. I think my counselor is right, I need to connect more with people.

But I wonder how long God will wait for me. He's waited this long for me to figure out stuff, and I do feel a bit different as if it's time for me to stop laying around and start performing miracles. Miracles like making a sad person smile. I don't know why things seem a bit different now than before. I'm older and I think that what scares me. I'm afraid of running out of time like there is no more time to waste. I'm not God, yet, so I'm thinking I need to get myself busy with the business of the Lord because I feel afraid as if someone else might claim the office of God before I do. We've got work to do.